Too weird to live, too rare to die
Death is such a looming topic. From the retinol formulas to the voodoo priestess of the world. Everyone is in a battle against the end. But what’s the end any ways. My family was founded in the belief of God. In trusting that he will do, wants to, and always has looked out for your best interest. I grew up with the weekly Sunday School at Riverside Church and the Friday night teen events that followed. Though my family trusts in his power, it was never something that was forced on me. We can all sit here and say “But is there a God, what comes after death, and is there a point to believe in any thing at all.” For me the answer to all of those questions is…who’s knows.
I find comfort in the understanding of a higher power. Whether it’s an overall spiritual being, God of sorts, or energy force, there is something that guides our walk in this life. Now there are the extreme bible thumpers and “new atheists” of the world but most of us meet in the middle. We seek understanding and have curiosity to the endless question of why that surrounds us. Funny enough the question of why has consumed me lately.
I’ve done a lot of reflecting over the last few months thinking about my life. The things I want to be remembered for and peoples minds I never want to leave. Becoming the best form of myself has been an interesting and tiring journey. Giving advice but making sure I’m not being a hypocrite. Understanding my actions but staying true to myself. Striving to be as big as possible spiritually, professionally, and lovingly. Most days my mind is empty but filled with so much if that makes sense. My ideas and thoughts have somehow merged into a one lane highway trying to find the right exit.
I’m not fearful of death but of what I might leave behind. The fear of untapped potential or of the things I didn’t say. As I’ve written about before, fear is a very interesting place to live that hold so much inside of it. I’m in love with the people I surround myself with. The family members I’ve made such strong bonds with. The friends that also fit into that mold. The woman that I see myself morphing into daily through mistakes, triumphs, and the unknown that comes in between it all. This weird girl from Mount Vernon who loves Taco Bell, watches too much reality TV, and has obsessions with the oddest things. Well she isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. What she is doing is becoming friends with death and the life that grows along side it.