How to stop stumbling through life!
Where am I going is the most frequent question that’s echoed through my head over the last year. Wondering what this decision will bring or better yet won’t. Am I doing everything I can or should I push harder. What in the world does any of this even mean. Becoming more conscience of the world around you is a lonesome journey but a needed one. I’ve seen the truth behind people, places, and practices around me in a different light recently. All leaving me in wonder of this journey called life.
I always feel outside of myself and I’ll try to explain this in the best way I can. Mind you, most of my ideas are a cluster of everything’s that’s just easier shown than said so bear with me. I know that I exist so let’s start there. I see myself as I look in the mirror but also see a stranger. I know I’m moving but feel like a shadow moving in the same direction. This process of finding myself, how I want to exist in this world, how I want the world to exist around me has been going on beneath my feet but I’m finally awake. It’s frustrating learning the truth about yourself but more so of those around you. The mistakes I’ve made are now a tangible part of who I am today. Experiences from allowing the wrong people in my life now drive my decisions. The dark that has existed in my life now creates light in it’s place. I’m doing the work but don’t see the same when I look around.
You will forever be a mystery to yourself, if you do not analyze the things you’re trying to escape. A quote that found it’s way to me during one of my many “What the fuck is happening” stages through out the last year. Understanding is the biggest challenge we face because we are blocked by fear. Fear of seeing the truth behind who we really are, the people around us, and the things we love. That fear is what slows your journey in life. I’m embracing this fear with open arms and all the lessons it has to bring.
Everyday I wonder if the pictures painted in my mind will come to life or if that’s where they’ll stay. The magic key I’ve found in making that wonder a reality is understanding that the pictures always change. Having faith in yourself and what life’s already planned for you brings freedom. Absolutely NO ONE has any idea what they’re doing 100% and don’t believe them if they say otherwise. We’re all just trying to do our best, be happy, and have a good time doing it. Focusing too much on the journey makes you miss the steps through it. Live in today and the things you can change. Anything beyond that is just a what if. This journey we call life is a terrifying but beautiful thing so grab a hand and let’s help each other through it.